|...even if I can guess your reaction, sometimes it just feels good to say "I love you."|
(x. the science of things)
With fear in hand and walls surrounding them, each day people push dangerously closer to inventing a world without illusion. Scientists work busily to explain everything on earth in the most complicated ways. I really dont know how they can understand the world outside while they continue to lock themselves inside laboratories. Science is only about progress and the future, but it is not concerned with the present. It creeps forward slowly, shattering many of the illusions that have comforted us for so long. But can the world really amount to a series of numbers, arrows, and formulas? Surely something so beautiful must come from something as easy as dreams.
The scientists countless equations have made people so confused that they dont know which way is forward anymore. Im sure thats why people are so mixed up. Thats why no one reacts the way wed expect. When you wave hello, the people look down or away. When you ask for help, they point in every direction but their own. And when you tell them that you want to be friends, they look at their appointment book for answers. Theyre convinced that if your birthday isnt written down somewhere, it may well not exist.
Today we live in a place where our thoughts dont matter nearly as much as our actions. How absurd! Every scientist you meet and there are many, because these days everyone thinks himself a man of science will tell you: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. But this isnt true. Only the scientists think they know how things will react. They build rules and charts to show you all the possibilities. And if they dont know which answer is correct, they never admit their mistakes. Instead, they yell loudly for everyone to hear, "Indeterminable!" There is no word in science for "I dont know."
In any case, it has always been easier to test reactions with words. Think of the simplest sentence: "I love you." If I say this to you, how will you react? Will you respond with equal feeling? Or perhaps you will respond oppositely, and tell me, "I am quite fond of you, my friend, but not in love." I cant predict your reaction. Yet this is the most wonderful thing! After all, whats the use in talking if you already know all the answers? Besides, even if I can guess your reaction, sometimes it just feels good to say "I love you."
The only scientist I speak to these days is the Doctor. And although I know she wants to help, she has fewer memories than I do. I tell her about secrets and strings, and the colors of the world. I tell her these forgettings. Perhaps, one day, I will be able to explain to her my dreams.
But as I wait for her reply, each time she proves me wrong because I can always predict the Doctors reaction.
"Ah," she says, "this wont do at all! You continue forgetting." Sometimes I am sure she mutters to herself, "He doesnt remember me." Yet it is plain to see that it is the Doctor who doesnt want to remember. This world of science has taken her completely.
So, feeling quite lost, Ive asked her how I will ever find my place in this world of mistakes. She pauses. She is reluctant to admit she doesnt know.
"Accidentally," she answers finally, "like everyone else."